how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
