Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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