just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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