Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
