Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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