chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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