it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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