Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
