he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
