There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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