If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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