Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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