I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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