I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
