Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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