and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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