Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
