Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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