Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i believe in u and ur pee
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize