We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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