she takes plan B like it's going out of style
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
