Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
