I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You work out of a Hotel?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
it's like heaven, but drunker
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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