I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
