Your mouth is God's brothel.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
