i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
