i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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