Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I checked into jail on foursquare
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
