Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
