if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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