i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
