did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you win again, gameday.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
