There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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