I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
