i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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