My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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