Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
