I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
