when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
handjob tips. give me some.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
