I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
