He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
