I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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