Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
