yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
