david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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