just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize