you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
