If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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