Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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