im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
