Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
