We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
no you cant smoke seaweed
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
