Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
