So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize