Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
