Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
