So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
