Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
