It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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