just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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