Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
