a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
