Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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