i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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