I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
