Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
