well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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