Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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