first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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