Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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