Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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