just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
