I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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