better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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