Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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