i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
