He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Still dying that you shit outside
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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