it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
