Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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