I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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