i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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