Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
