I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
