I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
