I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
