Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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