you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
