I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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