PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
