i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
