i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
