i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize