too bad you live with your parents still
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
