i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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