he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
