i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
