phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
