I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
