these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize