Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the day after is always just damage control
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
