ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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