youre lurking in front of me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
