I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We were destined to go to rehab together
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
