Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
